And so another week begins ...
Today's horror filled flash back finds us in Atlanta.
This particular day we were going to be playing the 99x radio station - being a decent sized event there was quite a buzz about this particular show.
So much so that the Atlanta Label rep / A&R guy was already there to welcome us when we arrived and chaperone us throughout the day -
He was nice guy - a real 'man of the south' and having heard about the legendary 'moonshine' we very quickly got to talking about his private family 'still' where he brewed his own( a point of much southern pride in certain circles)
After much baiting and badgering , he very reluctantly agreed to bring us a jar of his brew for us to sample - under the STRICT proviso ' DO NOT DRINK IT BEFORE THE SHOW' - a vicious clear liquid , the fumes alone had to be at least 80% proof.
This was akin to going to work then saying to the dog 'Look after this steak will you? '
And so , predictably after an afternoon stuck in the hotel with nothing to do and the jar - he must have immediately realised his mistake when he returned to take us to the to the pre-show radio interview.
Although Ralph was probably faring the worse - having momentarily (and hilariously) actually gone blind for several minutes from it ,we mostly now all looked and swayed like happy puppets with several cut strings.
he poured us all into the car and started driving, which must have been like transporting wild apes coming around from sedation.
He became increasingly nervous when Ralph & Ritch were nominated to do the interview in a quickly organised drunken vote -
as they entered the radio station he advised them both in his best teacher voice -
"Hey look , guys - you can say whatever you like in this interview , but please remember - no profanity - just ... try not to swear ... please''
So we were all quite taken back to see them returning to the car within 5 or so minutes , The chuckle brothers in red faced hysterics, the rep's face a dark black like thunder as he pondered the stability of his job.
Unfortunately a record does not exist , but I would imagine a fairly good approximation of the interview would be something like the following :
*Music Fades
DJ: So!! tonight I'm joined by Ralph & Ritch of Grand Theft Audio who are playing the 99x show later tonight and currently here on tour - so guys - how are you?
Ralph: Sh*t , F*cked up on this f*cking sh*t you c*nt, sh*t f*ck sorry , f*ck it .. oh sh*t - oh well ....c*nt.
The only real shame of it was that nobody had thought to bring a stopwatch.
A new personal best.
And we still had the WHOLE show to look forward to.